I received the holy spirit. I became totally aware of the infinite wisdom of god. Every secret was revealed to me. I was truly blest. I knew everything that could possibly be know. I could answer any and every question posed to me. I was a god! I set off into the wilderness to face the devil and I rebuked him. The truth and the glory were mine! However an intense war was being waged in my soul. A sickness and an infinite suffering came upon me. In my state I ever so quietly whispered a blasphemy against the holy spirit. The heavens shook and thundered and I trembled. A burning and gnashing of teeth ensued. I cursed god with the vilest language imaginable. I was damned to hell for my blasphemies. I cried, why god, why did you send me your holy spirit. An unimaginable evil came upon me. I realized that I had betrayed god and that he had banished me from his presence. He cast me into an abyss of darkness. I was infinitely away from the warmth that I had once know. I shivered in utter hopelessness. The only thing that could warm me was the terrible burning of my soul. A perpetual state a self loathing, guilt, and worthlessness came upon me. Thoughts of suicide plagued me. I hated myself and I wanted my existence to end. But I couldn’t die. I writhed in the thought of eternal torment. I cursed god again. Kill me!!! You evil beast!!! Kill me!!!
Just then a speck of light appeared. Yet it blinded me. My eyes couldn’t adjust for they had become accustomed to the darkness. Out of the light I heard a voice. All your blasphemies are forgiven. An intense love and blissful peace came upon me. My eyes well up with tears of joy. He said it is impossible to blaspheme me. I am the forgiver. I am the true God.